"WHERE DOES IT HURT?" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to veteran Tunisian goalkeeper, Chokri El Ouaer for allegedly faking a injury on the weekend in an attempt to get the African Champions League final between Ghana's - Hearts of Oak and Esperance of Tunisia abandoned. El Ouaer, the Esperance captain, appeared to cut himself on the head with a sharp object during an 18 minute stoppage, then ran from his goal area to the halfway line with blood streaming from his face, claiming that he'd been struck by a projectile thrown from the crowd, before collapsing on the pitch. In unconfirmed and unreliable reports, South African referee, Robin Williams admitted he knew something was fishy once he went to the aid of the prostrate Tunisian: 'When I asked him where did he get hit and he replied 'My leg', I knew something was wrong' It has been since confirmed that El Ouaer is no neurosurgeon. December 2000
"WEVE STOOD BY YOU LONG ENOUGH- ON YER BIKE PAL!" Goes to reigning Africans champions, Moroccan club, Raja Casablanca who this week sacked their coach, Brazilian, Valdeir Viera after just one game. "Where did I go wrong?" pondered Viera whilst standing in the dole queue at the Morocco Centre-link: "Was it the 4-4-2; was it my tactical moves or was it telling the club owner to go and get stuffed after we lost my one and only game 2-0 - I just don't know" Caretaker coach, Jamal Fethi has, in unreliable reports, been given until the end of the next training session to get things right or he gets it too. Now that's pressure Raul! November 2000
A spokesperson for the African Confederation who didn't want to be named privately told our Four Diegos African correspondent, 'Buona Buona' Diego…. 'Don't get us wrong no, no - we are not bitter and twisted about missing out on the World cup - this just gives us an excuse to finally rid ourselves of those dam SBS late night B -grade Chinese martial arts movies; bad lip synching is so tacky!" To African Soccer Authorities for putting at risk a diet of Lemon chicken and Beef in Black Bean Sauce. You are the ultimate Gringos!
August 2000
"IF YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR TEAM AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX JUST GIVE THEM THIS NAME" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the bloke who named a Ghanaian first division team, Mysterious Dwarfs…yes that right, Mysterious Dwarfs. "We suffer from having a short forward line and short midfield and come to think of it, a short defense for that matter" said coach, Tiny Masala Tutu. So to the bloke credited with giving this club its name, stand up, oh sorry you are standing, take a bow; the Super Gringo Award goes to you! August 2000 |
