"LICENSE PLEASE DRIVER" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the Asian Football Confederation for last week declaring that it will discipline member countries that underhandedly used overage players in last season's Asian Cup Under 16 Championships. "Cheating is against the spirit of fair play and the AFC will not hold back from imposing a deterrent punishment on those who indulge in it," promised a determined AFC general secretary, Peter Velappen. On whether the AFC weren't vigilant enough on the issue, Velappen, in wholly unconfirmed reports, explained, "Ok I admit we were caught out on this occasion. The fact the boys were driving to the match in their own cars, shaving down before and after each game and liked their jock-straps of the well hung variety, should've been a dead giveaway, but we can assure everyone it will not happen again." March 2001
Goes to the Singapore Football Association who this week, introduced random polygraph tests on players and referees in a bid to stamp out match fixing. "It is an effort to clean up the league and win the confidence of punters who take part in football betting," said a Singapore FA source during the week. Rumours however that the Lie Detector test questions include: 'Do you own a George Michael album? Do you make love with your socks on? Do you get turned on by the film Gladiator?'…Are unconfirmed and wholly speculative. December 2000
Goes to Asian Football Chief - Peter Velappan who this week attempted to reassure everybody (in not very convincing fashion) that the Asian Nations Cup being played in war- torn Lebanon, would be a safe, secure and friendly tournament. Velappan was speaking a day after Israeli warplanes broke the sound barrier over Beirut sparking fears of an Israeli backlash against Lebanon after Hezbollah guerrillas' captured three Israeli soldiers last Saturday. He went on to say that there would be no disruption to the tournament schedule in the event of any damage to stadiums caused by Israeli military action in Lebanon…. "What have we now gone all soft? Why can't we play? What's a little stadium rumble between friends? Anyway think about it. It's one way of eliminating scalpers." December 2000 |
