"HEY ANDY COME HOME - YOU MIGHT MAKE A GOOD FOOTBALLER" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to former Brazilian football star and national team coaching aspirant, Socrates who this week took a leaf out of his Greek philosopher namesake's book of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' and slammed the quality of young footballers coming through the ranks in the land of Coconut Le Tan and Big Brother rejects. 'To be a player today the boy has firstly to be stupid and then become incompetent," he said at his Copacabana beach press conference. He went on, further venting his frustration: 'Firstly we can't beat Peru, secondly we can't fill the gap between Ronaldo's two front teeth and thirdly, a Brazilian 'Madame Lash' nymphomaniac gets evicted from the Big Brother household. Can't we do anything right anymore?" he cried in wholly unreliable reports. May 2001
"FORGET THE HEADLESS CHOOK I'D RATHER THE ROAST CHICKEN ANY DAY" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the free-scoring, some might say free-balling, William Pereira Farias, striker of Brazilian outfit Pontaporanense, who last week after scoring his side's crucial equalizer against Nova Andradina, ran to opposing fans and celebrated by tearing off his shirt and dropping his shorts. Reportedly revealing only a Nike sponsored g-string, the Swoosh bringing new meaning to the term 'hanging to the left', Farias was shocked to discover that not everyone shared his joy at hitting the back of the net: "Some players celebrate by doing a chicken dance, others by doing a headless chook. I can't believe I offended anybody by flashing a roast chicken," he said in unreliable reports after he found that local police could charge him with indecent exposure. For their part the police were unsympathetic: "I don't know what he is complaining about. It's better that he spends six months in jail for illegally exposing a roast chicken rather than two minutes with irate opposing fans having his Chicken Maryland plucked," explained a police spokesperson exclusively to the Diegos, in unconfirmed reports. April 2001
AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to Gremio's Brazilian international striker Ronaldino Gaucho who this week explained that his move to French club, Paris Saint German was not about the money - but if his present club paid him more money he would've stayed. "I will always love Gremio. I would play for them for nothing but I can't stay if I'm not valued" said Ronaldino, who recently knocked back a 2 - year contract extension worth an estimated $14 million from the Brazilian outfit. Ah now I get it, that's clarified everything, it's not about money! January 2001 |
