"FAT NECK WITH FAT HEADS; WHAT A GREAT TEAM!" Goes to serial interloper, yes the man who pulled off the biggest shifty since the Four Diegos infiltrated a Tel Aviv lap dancing club by masquerading as the Israeli national soccer team on the eve of a World cup qualifier, yes your hero and ours, unemployed English laborer, Karl Power who last week, somehow dodged German security and managed to pose pitch side with the Manchester United team prior to their Champions league crunch match against Bayern Munich. "It must have been the biggest and best football sting of all time," declared Power, a fanatical Red Devils supporter and affectionately known as 'Fat Neck' to his mates. On reports that some of the Manchester United players were unhappy that they had an imposter in their official team photo, Power, in unsubstantiated reports, counted by saying: 'I don't know what they're complaining about. They've had Andy Cole impersonating a world class striker all season and no one's said anything about that." For our part, the Diegos reckon it wholly appropriate and a little ironic that a bloke nicknamed 'Fat Neck' is photographed with a team of 'Fat Heads' for posterity's sake. What a beautiful symmetry football provides. April 2001
"GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS NOMINATION FOR THE MOST EXCUSES OFFERED BY A LOSING COACH WITHOUT TAKING A BREATH" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to none other than Manchester United's self-appointed "Mr. Manchester United', Sir Alex Ferguson who this week managed to eclipse David O'Leary's record of the number of excuses offered by a losing coach without taking a breath, in the aftermath of the Red Devil's 1-0 F.A. Cup loss to West Ham. In an outstanding press conference display, Fergie started by hammering the referee for playing too much injury time. Then it was the ref's failure to award his team a first half penalty. Then he took a swipe at the Old Trafford surface that had been chopped up after Rugby league finals were played on it. Then he had a crack at his strikers for not having wrapped up the game earlier and finally he pointed the finger at his defense for appealing for offside and not playing the whistle when the Hammers scored the winning goal; all uninterrupted, all without taking a breath. Ah, Fergie, how can one man have so much talent! February 2001
Goes to Manchester United who in the past fortnight has opened up negotiations to increase the capacity of Old Trafford from 68,000 to 83,000. It is unclear whether the increase of a further 15,000 two-headed, six - toed Red Devil fans will actually constitute an attendance increase of 15,000 or 30,000. What is certain though, at Old Trafford in a land that time forgot and were evolution ceased many thousands of years ago it is generally accepted that two heads are better than one. September 2000
Goes to Manchester United boss and the Diegos tip on who will be the Godfather of Mark Bosnich's children - Sir Alex Ferguson, who this week publicly had a go at his club's star player - David Beckham for, as he put it, 'Not scoring enough' A reportedly outraged Posh Spice, wife of Beckham, who has recently described her husband as an 'Animal in Bed', allegedly slammed Fergie's comments saying: "Don't score enough! What does Ferguson know? David's the best penalty box sniffer I know!" The fact that the Diegos are a family show prevents us from going on any further with this one...a Viagra Gringo award to you Sir Alex. August 2000 |
