"BEST SHOP STEWARD" AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to the man who has, it seems, confused a powdery white line with a picket line, Peter Reith with a cannabis leaf and recreational drugs with union thugs, yes its our favorite stocky, rotund Argentine, Diego Maradona, who this week chimed into the dispute between players and clubs in his homeland by declaring that the players should have waited a little longer before taking strike action.

"You can't go on strike so quickly. It would have been better to have finished the championship and started the strike afterwards," he said to a bemused throng of local reporters who prudently wore

bulletproof vests.

Striking during your holidays is a novel approach but the Diegos are unsure how a 'No Pay, No Play when there's No Play Scheduled' policy would go down with the Argentine footballing rank and file but then again we suppose in 'Maradonger's' day a Collective Bargaining Agreement usually meant a stash of dodgy pills and deal with a couple of shifty blokes from Bogotá.

So we guess you can see where he's coming from.

May 2001

"WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE PELE MORE THAN ME ANYWAY?"
AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to the man who stopped shooting for goals years ago and started
shooting at everything else instead.

Yes the man with the divine hand, the big gut, the constant sniffle, the love of Cuban cigars, the hate for any other players of the century and of course, the slug gun, Diego Maradona, was last week, fined $15,300 for shooting an air rifle at a photographer in February 1994.

In completely fabricated reports, Maradona said he didn't remember the
incident but did remember seeing what he thought was a silhouette of Pele on that famous night

of a thousand slugs.

"It's true there's only room for one player of the century in this town but I find it hard to explain my strange behaviour and more importantly, my inaccurate shooting. I reckon the shaky hand of God and a bad batch of 'stuff' had something to do with it," reflected 'Dirty Harry'

Diego in unconfirmed reports.

These days Maradona, who works in the media, has a bit more respect for
photographers, even though they still reportedly, 'hit the deck' whenever he walks into the room.

March 2001

'WORLD FOOTBALL RULE NO. 45: DON'T UPSET YOUR MOTHER, FATHER OR AFRICA"

AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to the guy we like to call dad, the man who, as we speak, is becoming
the ball, Diego Maradona who after giving his word yet again, failed to turn up a testimonial game in the United Arab Emirates for the fourth time.

Yes the Four Diegos can finally confirm that the game to honor United Arab Emirates, skipper Abdullah Rahman Mohammed will be without Maradona.

In unconfirmed, unsubstantiated and unreliable reports organizers for the event stated: 'We'd already organised an appearance from Allah, we just wanted the "Hand of God" to make the day complete."

A spokesperson for 'Maradonger' or should we say Maradona, refused to comment on Diego's absence but did confirm that he has always liked the shape of Africa on the map and that he would one day visit.

February 2001