"LOOK AT ME I'M AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD…. WELL NEARLY" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the Marconi Stallions who this week jumped 45 places in the world club ranking, moving from 297th place to a dizzy 254th place. In a ranking of almost 1000 national club teams in the world, the International Federation of Football Statistics rated Manchester United number one, with Australia's highest ranked team, South Melbourne at 176th. Why has Marconi soared so far in such a short time?
March 2000
Goes to the Marconi Stallions Soccer club who this week announced that they were about to make an audacious bid for the services of the man who would probably feel more at home hanging out with the Australian Cricket team at a Pakistani disco, English soccer's problem child, Paul Gascoigne. With Hungarian fishing spots now out of action, Marconi coach, Eddie Krncevic hopes to tempt Gazza downunder for a fishing holiday and to kick a soccer ball under the Aussie sun with the Stallions… "It's more a question of finding a good fishing venue - he's a mad fisherman. If he could find a place on the Harbour with a little boat where he could fish, he would be very content", said Krncevic. February 2000
Goes to the Marconi Stallions who where comprehensively, outgunned, outfought, out played last week against the 'Dog eat Dog' Carlton Blues 4 goals to nil. Stallions coach, Eddie Krncevic, speaking at the team's recovery session at the Glue factory early in the week, was at a loss at what went wrong… "I out-dressed Munro and we undercooked Andrew Marth's veal paramagiana in the social club before the game to no avail. We were flat and I reckon someone could've nobbled my boys. I won't leave any stone unturned until I find out the real reason. Hence the Caulfield Cup stewards are on the case as I speak." October 1999
Goes the tailor who designed the 'Kermit the Frog' green jacket worn by newly appointed coach of Marconi Stallions, Eddie Krncevic, in the Round 1 clash between the Stallions and the Power. To say that it was the ultimate fashion statement is not enough - it's almost a way of life...a frog's life maybe but a way of life just the same. October 1999
'HI HO STALLION AND AWAY' AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the Gene Autry of Aussie Soccer, newly appointed coach of the Marconi Stallions - Eddie Krncevic, for his 'Melbourne Cup' performance this week at the Marconi press conference to announce the club's million dollar marketing campaign for the coming season. Reports have it that 'Camel Jockey' Krncevic entered the swish media gathering atop of a real life 'Rent a Stallion' and singing 'I was born under a wandering star'. There is some doubt about the rumour that Marconi's new club motto is - 'Let Krncevic put the Stud Back into the Stallion'. It appears that the more recent choice "Hi I'm Mr. Ed" is the one most favoured by Marconi's powerful 'Horse head' faction. Hi Ho Eddie from the gun totting Four Diegos September 1999
"IT'S ALMOST LIKE TAKING OVER MANCHESTER UNITED; WELL NEARLY" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to Gucci, Calvin Klein, Versace, names, names, names darling, newly appointed coach of the Marconi Stallions, Eddie Krncevic, who this week described that taking over at Bossley Park, after the disappointment of missing out on the Socceroo position, was like… "Missing out on the England job but taking over at Manchester United instead". The Diegos reckon that Krncevic, who from now on wants to be known as Sir Eddie Krncevic, will succeed in reversing the old adage of 'putting a stallion out to stud', for it's anticipated that his arrival will most definitely 'put the stud back into the Stallions'. Unlike the real Manchester United and contrary to all reports, Krncevic will not, in fact, get his choice of Spice Girls but rumour has it that Chairman of Marconi, Tony Labbozetta as compensation, has promised a date with the heart throb of many an Italian Fruiter, the buxom Maria Venutti instead. August 1999
"I LOVE MARCONI BUT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER MARCONI LIKES ME" AWARD OF THE WEEK: Goes to the 'Old Fox' with a Balkan accent, Adelaide City coach, Zoran Matic, who in the lead up to last week's must-win game against his former team, Marconi, stated that he feels a few of the Marconi boys still hold grudges against him as a result of his notoriously harsh coaching methods. "A few players who were used to running the show didn't like my methods. I can be a nasty character when I see players unwilling to move out of their comfort zone. If it's a choice between being a diplomat and being a dictator, I prefer dictator. You have to be rough with players who don't want to listen," explained 'Madame Lash' disciple, Matic. April 1999
AWARD OF THE WEEK: Goes to the Marconi Stallions' resident curator and devoted religious nut, Tony 'Tomato Patch', who in the wake of last week's sprinkler episode during the game between the Stallions and the Zebras said…. (Unconfirmed) "I know the sprinklers going off interrupted the game, but there were a lot of sinners on the field tonight, and I felt they needed to be cleansed body and soul. A good old fashioned communal baptism did the trick, even though I don't think any thing will save the soul of Francis Awaratife." April 1999
"HOLD ME BACK, HOLD ME BACK" SEND OFF Goes to Marconi's guitar strumming, Tracy Chapman of Ericsson Cup Soccer, Frances Awartife, who disturbingly had to be restrained by teammates after referee, Matthew Breeze produced a red card and sent him off for his challenge on Gippy Falcons' Clayton Bell - in his team's win over the visitors last weekend. Awaratife, who after being sent off earlier in the season said "If I head butted that bloke, then I'm and astronaut", this time was reported as saying… "If I even touched Bell, then I'm Fred Nile wearing a G-String on a Mardi-Gras Float". March 1999 |
