GOLDEN GRINGO AWARD WINNERS

MELBOURNE KNIGHTS

"BEX IS BETTER" GRINGO AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to embattled coach of the Melbourne Knights, Vlado Vanis, who last week after his team was shellacked 4-1 against South Melbourne, informed reporters that he wouldn't be fronting up to the after match press conference because he had a 'headache'.

A Four Diegos 'deep throat' on the Melbourne Knights medical staff, who did not want to be named, told us exclusively that the onset of Vanis' headache coincided with South Melbourne's first goal and became progressively worse with every goal conceded and every Knight's heartstring pulled.

Vlado - a tip from the Four Diegos - If the pain persists please leave town!

November 2000

"DUMMY SPIT" AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to Former England international, Liverpool & Newcastle legend and now Melbourne Knights substitute, Peter Beardsley, for not taking too kindly to being dragged after 60 minutes in the Knights 4-0 shellacking at the hands of staunch rivals South Melbourne last weekend.

After numerous World Cup appearances, English Championship wins and shaking the Hand of God in his career, Beardsley felt that being substituted at Knight's Stadium was something that he didn't want on his resume' and promptly threatened to leave the 'Cold Hole of Hell' and return to sunny England.

After clear-the-air talks, the good news is that common sense has prevailed and the sprightly 39-year-old will complete the remainder of his 3-week stint…

· In whatever position he wants to play in
· For however long he wants to play for
· With whomever he would like to play with
· In whatever system of play he chooses to play in
· In whatever strip he would like to play in
· After training for as long as he would like to train for
· And for any amount of money that he wishes to play for.

Other than that he is at pains to declare that Vlado Vanis is the coach and what he says goes!

March 2000

"DOG SHOW" DEBUT OF THE WEEK"

Goes to newly appointed coach of the Melbourne Knights, Vlado 'Moose' Vanis, who preached a unique ' Elephant man' approach after his team's come from behind win against NSL glamour-boys, Sydney Olympic, 2-1 last weekend.

"I don't need nice boys, I need animals now!" declared Vanis.

It is rumoured that the Lost Dogs Home in Nth Melbourne is desperate to speak to Vanis ASAP.

December 1999

 

"BUILT VLADO TOUGH, BLOODY" AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to new site foreman and head coach of the Melbourne Knights, Vlado Vanis, who this week, took over the unenviable task of gutting, re-stumping, rewiring, and totally renovating the Knights squad, who as we speak, prop up the national league ladder in last position.

Vanis' new full time role at the Knights has forced him to put on hold a lucrative career in the building construction business, skills he will no doubt find handy in the coaching caper.

"I will change tactics definitely" he said "but I'm worried about the fitness level of the players"

Vanis is hopeful that the Knight's new training regime of 15 sessions per week - 5 running, 5 ball work and 5 concreting, roofing and bricklaying, will get the guys in tip top shape in no time.

November 1999

"IF I'M GOING TO GET THE SACK YOU GUYS ARE SURE AS HELL COMING WITH ME"

AWARD OF THE WEEK.

Goes to the winless Melbourne Knights coach, 'Gentleman' Joe Biskic for refusing to lambaste his charges after the team's third loss in as many rounds this season.

"I told them you have to be honest and try to do something otherwise I won't be here and you won't be here."

Joe is a nice guy but to really get the best out of the boys we suggest more of a Soup Nazi approach to motivating the team…

'If I'm going to have to work for the dole clearing sewerage pipes you guys are sure as hell going to join me'

Or

'If I'm going to have to make a living with a Bavarian accordion band busking in the Bourke Street Mall, you guys are sure as hell going to join me'

Or

"If you don't start winning - they'll be no soup for you."

October 1999

"I HAVE A DREAM! NO YOU DON'T BUDDY" AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to the Melbourne Knights SC for this week, putting in jeopardy a dream European career for it's star Olyroo goalkeeper, Joe Didulica.

Not only did the Knights refuse to entertain a paltry offer of $ 80,000 by Dutch club, Ajax Amsterdam, but went further and levied a mammoth $500,000 on the head of it's star custodian.

There is no truth to the rumour however, that Didulica's proposed autobiography " I Have a Dream" will be now re-titled, "I Had a Dream"

Don't worry Joe, the Diegos reckon that you and your size 18 clogs will be tip toeing through the turnips come the new season.

September 1999


"YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO BUILD ANOTHER GRANDSTAND WITH IT BUT TAKE THE MONEY

AND RUN ANYWAY" AWARD OF THE WEEK

Goes to the Melbourne Knights Soccer Club who this week ignored the cries of their disheveled, pleading bank manager, and rejected a $235,000 offer for midfielder, Zeljko Susa from Spanish first division side, Alaves.

"What do you mean we don't need the money?" said spokesman, for the Bank of Melbourne, Jack Thompson.

Privately, the club feels that the investment they made in Beta Video recorders with the long awaited Viduka money is prudent enough to ensure the club's long-term future.

The Diegos beg to differ.

August 1999