"IT'S MY PARTY AND I'LL SCORE IF I WANT TOO, I'LL SCORE IF I WANT TOO, AH HA, AH HA" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to Lakeside legend, Lonsdale street icon, Disco King, Best Cook, Best Dresser - Call him what you like- South Melbourne record breaking captain courageous, Paul Trimboli, who this week celebrated, breaking the club 338 games played record, by notching the winner in his team's 1-0 win against Carlton and claiming the Four Diegos 'Is Don Is Good' Small goods - Player of the Match award. At his sublime best, Trimmers unleashed a series of deft touches, incisive passes and hip sways of the highest order, to bamboozle the Blues and again stamp his greatness on another Bob Jane conquest. Well-done Trimmers. Always remember the Diegos will always love you... in a strictly professional manner of course. March 2000
Goes to South Melbourne coach, Ange 'Revenge is Sweet' Postecoglou and his Sydney Olympic counterpart, Branco 'I tried to be nice, but never again' Culina, for their press conference stoush in the aftermath of South Melbourne's 2-0 win over Olympic on Wednesday night. In an exchange of verbal blows usually associated with an Aussie Joe Bugner weigh in; the two young stars of Aussie soccer coaching went at it with gusto… A Culina uppercut… "I've seen people protecting their players before but you're going overboard. If you look at the video, we had two clear-cut chances in the first five minutes. Well done on the win, but this is ridiculous." A Postecoglou jab to the nose… "Thanks Branco that means a lot coming from you. At the end of the day you should be a bit more gracious." A Culina counterpunch to the breadbasket… "Last Sunday, you made excuses that you were still jet lagged. You were jet lagged, we give you credit, but in the end we should've beaten you 12-0". Then a Postecoglou gnaw on the ear and rabbit punch to the crown-jewels, forced Culina from the contest, onto the Greyhound bus and on his way back to Sin City muttering… "I want you Postecoglou. You can run but you can't hide!" January 2000
"WE LOVE YOUSE ALL " AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the NSL Copacabana Kid's, the South Melbourne SC, who on the return back home after their World Club Championship Brazilian sojourn, received a rapturous welcome at Tullamarine from a 200 strong South Melbourne supporter throng. Once the smoke (from the flares thrown by the South fans) had been cleared from the 'Tulla' arrival lounge, the boys were honoured via a ticket-tape parade through Lonsdale St, a Civic Reception at Jim's Greek Taven and presented with the keys to the Bob Jane Souvalki bar by none other than ultra marathoner, Yannis Kouros, who kindly ran over from Athens for the occasion. Welcome back South Melbourne. We Love Youse All! January 2000
Goes to our very own South Melbourne SC, who kicked off the World Club Championships last week impressively by contravening FIFA rules which specify that only one sponsor's name is allowed on a team's playing strip in international competition, and rolling up with a strip that looked more like a page out of the yellow pages. South's shirt bears up to six sponsor's logos that include a fashion house, a marble manufacturing company, a car rental place, a tyre company and a health care organization. 'It's a good thing that we didn't enter into sponsorship agreements with Con's Take-Away Barbecue Chicken Palace and Effie's Hair Explosion as originally planned is all I can say' said a relieved South official who did not what to be named.
Goes to South Melbourne coach, Angie Postecoglou who prior to the team's historic World Club Championship opener against Brazilian powerhouse, Vasco Da Gama, toyed with the use of a 'Flat Back Four' to combat the overwhelming Edmundo & Romario threat. It's unclear however whether Angie's employment of the 'Flat Back Four' strategy was to be a brilliant tactical ploy or merely because his team would be flat out chasing the mongrels for 90 minutes! January 2000
'TIL DEATH DO US PART' AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the Wives and Girlfriends of the Rio-based South Melbourne SC players, for flagrantly ignoring the usual protocol of player's spouses staying at home and looking after the kids during a big tournament, and turning up to the World Club Championship in Brazil anyway. When asked why all the player's wives turned up when the spouse's of the opposition stayed at home, a spokeswomen for the ladies exclaimed, " Are you kidding? There was no way I would let these Brazilian home wreckers, with their G-Strings and firm bouncy bits, get their claws into my husband………We all heard what happened to Mick Jagger didn't we?" January 2000
"WE THOUGHT YOU'D NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to FIFA for allocating South Melbourne the home ground of the famous Fluminense club as their training base in Rio, a stadium that is overlooked by the famous statue of Christ the Redeemer. The rumour that Angie took his team over to the statue at the ending of every training session for a cool down and a couple of rounds of the Rosary is unconfirmed however.
Goes to the sleazy English tabloid press for their vociferous denigration of our South Melbourne boys on the eve of the Manchester United game in Rio. Oh Yeh…Well here's the Diegos reply to the tabloids … Manchester United players are, are...rich…um, um, good looking um…um… have seen Spice Girls in the nude and make up to 40,000 pounds a week… I think the tabloids have got us on that one boys! January 2000
"HERE HAVE SOME BEEF STROGANOFF, IT WILL DO YOU GOOD" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to South Melbourne goalkeeper - Hungarian recruit, Milan Udvaracz, who last week in the land of the Sandgroper, was sent off for allegedly summoning a ripe Hungarian Stroganoff throat oyster and rifling it in the face of Perth Glory striker, Alistair Edwards. An indignant Udvaracz after the game complained, "I didn't spit on the player. I cursed at him, but that was in Hungarian" The downside for Udvaracz; spitting is decreeded a violent offence by FIFA and carries an automatic two-match suspension The upside? Gee that Beef Stroganoff is tasty! December 1999
" ARE WE COMPLACENT? - OF COURSE WE'RE NOT COMPLACENT" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to coach of the Rio - bound South Melbourne SC, Angie Postecoglou who this week quashed suggestions that his team had become complacent with only two wins in the first five rounds. Speaking exclusively to the Diegos from his backyard plunge pool, wearing a Bob Jane approved g-string, listening to James Reyne 'Live in Brazil but they still can't understand me" double album and sipping on a UDL Pina Colada, Postecoglou said… "Of course we are not complacent, we are just a little inconsistent. I can assure all the South fans that I'm working around the clock to rectify the problem…ah…by the way Trimmers can you pass me some of that Reef Oil Number 4?" November 1999
AWARD OF THE WEEK: Goes this week, to president of the South Melbourne Soccer club George Vasilopoulos, who spat out his souvlaki in disgust after it was reported that his star goalkeeper, Michael Petkovic was transferring to French club, Strasborg with hardly a dracma changing hands. Vasilopolous, in his no-holds barred attack, called player agents immoral, underhanded, sly and adept at employing dubious practices. Come on George, calling them adept is a bit tough isn't it? September 1999
AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the South Melbourne Soccer Club, who this week were informed that they may have to play Manchester United in one of the most celebrated soccer stadiums in the world - the Maracana in Rio de Janeiro - at the inaugural FIFA World Club Championships next January. On a negative note though, FIFA have made it clear that the South Melbourne backyard chestnut and pumpkin seed seller will not be permitted into the stadium - FIFA President, Sepp Blatter has informed the Diegos that Interpol and the Maracana and Copacabana beach Security have been alerted. July 1999
Goes to the Australian Parliamentary Senate whose decision to pass the 'Con's BBQ Chicken Takeaway' friendly GST brought scenes of unparalleled excitement in the nation's capital this week. PM, John Howard, his deputy, Tony Costello and Democrat leader, Meg Lees where seen rumbaing, sambaing and la bambaing around the Parliament house corner flag with their tops pulled over their heads in the aftermath of the decision. But what does the GST mean for Aussie soccer. The Diegos are pleased to report that there are plenty of benefits to be had for the round ball game down under. Whilst hot takeaway chooks attract a GST, a Goran Lozanovski headless chook goal celebration is GST free. Whilst public transport to Ericsson Cup games attracts a GST, a ride in a valiant safari station wagon to the game with a minimum of 20 South Melbourne supporters is GST free. Whilst ETA peanuts and cashews sold at the Bob Jane stadium food outlets during South Melbourne games attract a GST, the pumpkin seeds and chestnuts sold by the backyard Bob Jane peanut man will be GST free. Having said that, the Australia Tax Authorities still want to speak to this man ASAP.
Goes to the notorious South Melbourne Soccer club who last week against Sydney United, came out on top in their quest to win the Holy Grail, - back to back Ericsson cup premierships. The retsina flowed and the techno version of Zorba's dance took a real beating at the Bob Jane Stadium Sports Bar after the Lakesiders exciting 3-2 win. Coach, Angie Postecoglou and Club President, George Vasilopoulos could hardly contain their joy at the club's achievement, and allegedly declared "we want to win ten of these things in a row" Yeh boys - the Diegos want a weekly three-hour cooking and soccer show on Channel 7 but it doesn't mean that we are going to get it!!! Celebrations reportedly continued into the wee small hours of the morning with the spoils of victory enjoyed by all. The report however that the full South Melbourne squad did a Greco roman version of the Full Monty for their relatives and friends has not been confirmed. June 1999
"DAD ALWAYS SAID YOU SHOULDN'T KISS ON THE FIRST DATE" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the Premier of Victoria, Mr. Jeff Kennett who when presenting the Championship cup to South Melbourne Captain, Paul Trimboli, reportedly asked "Trimmers" to pucker-up and lay one on him. When the hesitant Trimboli replied "But Mr. Premier I hardly know you", Kennett in his own forthright way made the first move and delivered two big sloppy ones on the cheek of the Aussie soccer legend. The Diegos would like to report however, that a rumour of an imminent wedding between the two is pure speculation. June 1999
AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to Sydney United's veteran defender and former Russian cosmonaut, Vladimir Kupresak and his Sputnik comrade, South Melbourne "super sub", grand final turning, goal ace, John Anastasiadis. When playing on each other in the second half last week, it reminded the Diegos of when the two did a stint on the Mir Space Station during the off season last year. Thankfully for their clubs the boys ended up choosing soccer over the vodka diet, space cookies and re-runs of Alien I, II, & III training videos.
Goes to the shaven headed South Melbourne Striker, John Anastasiadis, who came on last week and turned the game by scoring a brace of goals, one in the 63rd minute with his first touch and then again later with a parallel diving header, to lead his beloved South Melbourne Killer Ducks to a 3-2 win and back to back glory. "I couldn't believe it," said Anastasiadis "our assistant coach Carl Halford, said as soon as you get on, you'll score with your first touch. God must have been listening to him". Anastasiadis went on to reportedly say "I wish I knew Carl when I was younger. We could've hung out together. Perhaps then my rate of success at the discos may have been better than it was!" June 1999
"MUM I NEARLY DID BUDDY FARRAH" OR "I WAS THIS CLOSE TO BEING THE SOUVLAKI AT THE NEXT SOUTH MELBOURNE SUPPORTERS BAR-B-QUE" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the rock solid South Melbourne sweeper, Steve Iosifidis whose mis-timed, intercepted backpass last week against Sydney United nearly cost his team the game, the right to host the grand final, his spot in the team, his spot on the plane back home, his spot in the squad next year, his spot at his favourite café in Lonsdale street and his spot in his family. After the game an unfazed Iosifidis was heard to have said:
May 1999
Goes to Bank of Melbourne employee, Ismail Ozsoy, who plans to put a stop to South Melbourne, Tansel Baser's transfer to Turkish club, Trabsonspor. Ismail is feeling aggrieved because after, as he claims, he clinched the deal with the Turkish club on behalf of Baser, it seems the South Melbourne defender is denying that Ozsoy was ever his manager. 'He's now walking past the bank for week's without even saying hello." said the hurt Ismail in the Herald Sun this week, of Baser. December 1998 |
