"Our Blow Up Dolls are better than your Blow Up Dolls" Gringo of the Week Goes to Melbourne Major Events Pre-Game Entertainment Committee for employing the use of blow up inflatable dolls in the MCG pre-game extravaganza on Wednesday night. For those of you out there who are saying…'But you Diegos bagged the AFL for doing the same thing in their Grand final pre-game - What's the difference?' Well here's the difference bucko...Our blow up dolls are better than AFL's blow up dolls. It's a matter of quality you know! September 2000
Goes to the Italian Olympic Football team for running over to a pocket of Azzuri fans at the MCG on Wednesday night and proceed to celebrate their win by pulling off their shorts and triumphantly tossing them into the crowd. "Mate I had to duck and weave pretty pronto" said Italian fan Guido explaining how he had to flee for his life once he spotted a pair of soccer shorts drenched in Italian crutch sweat plummet towards him. "Mate don't get me wrong, I love the Italian soccer team but you should've seen the skid marks on those things!" September 2000
Goes to Jamaican whistleblower, Peter Prendergast for his dodgy refereeing performance in the big one between the Olyroos and Italy at the 'G' on Wednesday night. Although his at times perplexing decisions didn't directly affect the outcome of the game, the Diegos sensed that things weren't quite right when Prendergast was spotted calling 'no ball' when Vinnie Grella kicked an Italian opponent in the tool shed. I guess you can take the boy out of cricket made Jamaica but you can't take the cricket mad Jamaica out of the boy. September 2000
"BEST ATTEMPT TO BREAK OLYMPIC GAMES PROTOCOL" GRINGO OF THE WEEK Goes to us, The Four Diegos, for our efforts to infiltrate the off-limits pre-Olympic warm up match between …shh don't say it too loudly…Olyroos V Kuwait last Tuesday night at what is rapidly becoming the Fort Knox of Aussie soccer - Olympic Park Melbourne. The Diegos incognito, took a leaf out of the Village People book of inconspicuous disguises and rolled up as a policeman (Carlos), a construction worker (Vini), an Indian (Carmen), a bikie (Jose) and a naval marine (Manuel), hoping to sneak in by impersonating authorized personnel. Unfortunately our efforts where stymied at the death by highly trained, crack Olympic security who sensed that something was not quite right when we arrived at the front gate… "You nearly had us all fooled' said Biff, head of Olympic security 'It's only when we spotted the Indian that we realized that something was not quite right."
September 2000
"I THINK I'M PARANOID" GRINGO AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the AFL who last week in honouring several Australian Olympians at the Grand final, totally ignored the Olyroos who happened to be watching the game over the road at the Hilton hotel. Finger on the pulse? I think not. These are the same people who are convinced that Roxanne inflatable blow up dolls as a part of pre-match entertainment beamed live to a so-called worldwide audience last week, would cast all Australians in a glowing light. I guess all we needed after that was Angry Anderson and Mike 'Up There Cazaly' Brady… Sorry…Mike was there.
Goes to Olyroo coach, Raul Blanco who last week admitted that it was difficult to train his team tactically when he still didn't have a team…
bemoaned Blanco In an unreliable and unconfirmed report Blanco went on…. "I want us perform like Julio Inglesias but at the moment we're looking more like Iggy Pop" September 2000
"STAY TUNED - THE MATILDA'S COTTON WOOL CALENDAR IS ON IT'S WAY" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to Matilda's coach, Chris Tansey, who this week announced that he would be wrapping his players in cotton wool and allowing them to taper before their opening Olympics game in Canberra on September 13th. The Diegos do prefer the girls a la natural as in the nude Matilda's calendar published earlier in the year ...Cotton Wool's pretty kinky but what the heck! A Snap in the Shorts Gringo Award to you Chris Tansey! August 2000
Goes to the Village People approved Australian Olympic soccer team - 'maize' yellow and 'marine' green uniform unveiled this week. The easy on the eye ensemble, guaranteed to withstand any vice-like squirrel grip or slide tackle induced wedgy, is sure to be a winner and is set to take the Highpoint West Shopping Town catwalk by storm. "It certainly put a snap in my shorts' said Olyroo, Simon Colosimo who had the honour of modeling the gear this week in Sydney. Co-model, Olyroo teammate, Ivan 'I Love the Nightlife, I like to Bogie' Zelic, was more emphatic in his approval 'It makes me feel hot and sweaty both on and off the field, which for a hot blooded young man, can only be a good thing" said Zelic on his way to having a cold shower. July 2000 |
