"I SHOT THE SHERIFF BUT I DID NOT SHOOT THE DEPUTY" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to the colourful president of bottom of the table Sydney United, Marco Franovic for this week sacking coach, David Ratcliffe, and then declaring that the club's players and fans made him do it. "I was forced to terminate his contract' said a sorry Franovic in his best Arnold Swarzanegger accent. "This is not my wish but I had to listen to the board and the supporters after we were slaughtered last night (5-2 loss to Wollongong)" On Ratcliffe (the terminated one) Franovic said… "He's and honourable man but the players let him down, they ruined him…I'd like to shoot some of the players for what they did to him." The newly unemployed Ratcliffe was philosophical about his axing…. "When you take on a job like this in soccer you know that one day you are going to get fired. If I hadn't have taken the job I would've regretted it but I took it and I still regret it." January 2000
"RUBBER BLOW-UP DOLL - MEXICAN WAVE" Goes to the traveling Sydney United Grand Final supporters who last week uniquely pre-occupied themselves pre-match by participating in their own special version of the Mexican wave that included tossing around an inflatable rubber doll and a variety of smoking flares. Authorities were so concerned about the blow-up doll causing harm to innocent bystanders that they seriously considered flying Shane Warne back from the World Cup Cricket in England to restore calm. In the end, the reported sight of Reverend Fred Nile inside Olympic Park was enough to compel the boisterous fans to deflate the instrument of sin and debauchery and stow it away. June 1999
"HARD MAN OF THE WEEK" AWARD Goes to an uncompromising Sydney United defender, who looks more like a Russian Cosmonaut, Vladimir Kupresak, for his cold war, Mir space station, mechanic-like performance against a resilient South Melbourne last Sunday. Obviously pumped up by Boris Yeltsin's axing of Russian PM earlier in the week, Kupresak put in a sterling performance, putting an 'Iron Curtain' blanket over the probing South Melbourne forwards. Friends say that Vladimir's diet of Smirnoff Vodka and Lemon Ruski pancakes prior to the game put him in good stead and in tip-top shape for a hard contest. Vlad was reported to have once said about his preparation.
May 1999
"GREG LOUGANIS - TRIPLE TUCK WITH A LAYOUT PIKE, WITH A 3 ½ TWIST" AWARD OF THE WEEK Goes to Sydney United striker and potential Baywatch recruit, Joel Griffiths, who on two occasions last week against South Melbourne, put in a penalty box diving performance that was worthy of a gold medal at the Sydney 2000 Olympic Spring Board Diving contest. Some call it cheating, some call it cunning, and the Diegos called it a near perfect dive and awarded it - 9.0, 9.5, 9.7, and 9.85. May 1999 |
