"WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST…. ON SECOND THOUGHTS STUFF THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN - SBS 'ON THE BALL' COMMENTATORS FIRST, WOMEN AND CHILDREN SECOND" AWARD OF THE WEEK
Goes to Kyle Paterson and the SBS 'On The Ball' soccer panel last weekend, after having to evacuate the SBS studios during the 'On The Ball' program after a fire alarm was activated.
After stoically announcing to the viewers that the crew would remain and heroically complete the show, effectively facing the possibility of being barbequed like a South Melbourne Soccer Club souvalki, Kyle finally relented and fled the supposed inferno…
"This is not a joke folks! I'm outta here," yelled Paterson as he clamoured, clawed and scratched his way over the top of fellow panelists, Johnny Warren, Tony Palumbo and Paul Williams, out the exit door.
No doubt an inspiration for all Socceroos!!!
November 1999
"YOU ARE THE AIR I BREATHE BOUNDARY RIDER"
AWARD OF THE WEEK
Goes to ABC TV soccer boundary rider, Robbie Wheatley, who during the encounter between Marconi and Northern Spirit last weekend, described a tired Marconi striker, Francis Awartife as "Breathing out of another organ".
Which organ is not clear.
Let's hope it wasn't of the Yamaha flute variety.
May 1999
"THAT'S THE WAY, AH HA, AH HA, I LIKE IT, AH HA, AH HA" AWARD OF THE WEEK
Goes to ABC TV's 'Attila the Hun' of soccer special comments men, Alan Hunter who last weekend in the televised game between Marconi and Northern Spirit, pulled out this beauty:
"Foster was looking to kick Covic's head off - that's the way this game has been played - It's been great!"
Hunter, who as a player liked it tough, hard and close, then proceeded to body slam fellow ABC commentator, Steve Robilliard and then forced him into submission with a 'figure four' leg lock.
Keep punchin' Alan!
May 1999
ABC TV QUOTE OF THE WEEK
" A good quick player will always get past a good slow player"
ABC Rugby cum, Netball cum, VFA footy cum, Lacrosse cum, Lawn bowls cum, Soccer commentator, Steve Robilliard
October 1998
ABC TV GAME OF THE WEEK - QUOTES OF THE WEEK
" Getting hit by a Markovski shot is like being stung by a European Wasp!"
ABC TV special comments man - Alan Hunter - Perth Glory V Northern Spirit
" Usually it takes two to tango but it takes three to tango when you tango with John Markovski"
Again………ABC TV special comments man - Alan Hunter - Perth Glory V Northern Spirit
OPTUS VISION TV QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"Pezos is right up Lozanovski's clacker!"
Optus Vision's, Alan Davidson description on how tightly Adelaide Sharks defender, Paul Pezos was marking South Melbourne's, Goran Lozanovski during last Sunday night's game.
October 1998
'RIGHT THAT'S IT, NO FOOD, NO TV' AWARD OF THE WEEK
Goes to Channel Seven for grounding soccer lovers Australia wide and sending them to their rooms, not allowing them to see any Aussie soccer on TV for the next six weeks while 'Sportsworld' is in recess.
A spokesman for Seven who did not want to be named said " Sometimes you've got to cruel to be kind. We see it as our role to show you guys some real discipline. Go without for a while, it won't kill you. What about the starving kids in Ethiopia they don't get to watch the Ericsson Cup either. Do you ever hear them complaining! By the way stay tuned for the February AFL football draft. It's guaranteed to be fascinating viewing."
November 1998
THE WORST TV INTRODUCTION OF THE WEEK
Goes to former Socceroo captain and current Channel Seven 'Sportsworld' soccer commentator, Paul Wade, for introducing John Markovski, as the player that soccer spectators love to hate, on last Sunday's show.
'Mad stare' Markovski did not take to kindly to Wade's description but handled the interview with aplomb. Its safe to say that Wadey will not be receiving a 'Santa' Markovski card in the mail for Christmas this year.
December 1998
"THE JANA WENDT '60 MINUTES ' GRILLING IN 10 MINUTES" AWARD OF THE WEEK
Goes to Channel Seven's Bruce McAvaney for asking John Markovski a record 4 hard questions in the super quick 'Sportsworld' soccer segment last Sunday.
The questions covered these absorbing positive soccer topics…
1. How does he feel being described as a player spectators love to hate?
2. The obligatory 'fat' question was asked
3. The 'Con Boutsiannis cleared of armed robbery charges' question.
4. Was it true that the Perth players were laughing in the hotel prior to the game against Newcastle last weekend?
Our congratulations go to Channel Seven 'Sportworld' researchers for coming up with such an exciting, informative array of cutting edge topics concerning Aussie soccer. It's unfortunate that they didn't have more time, for they could've brought up the Stewart Inquiry, Bosnich's Video Romp or reminded us that flares get thrown at South Melbourne games.
December 1998
THE WORST COMMENTATOR'S CALL OF THE WEEK
Goes to ABC TV soccer special comments man and former Diego 'Guest of the Week', Alan Hunter, who proclaimed prior to the game between Sydney Olympic & Marconi that….
" This game has got the makings of an absolute cliffhanger!"
For the record Sydney Olympic won the game 5-0 and should have won 55-0.
Good try Big Al…just remind me not to ask you for a Melbourne Cup Tip next year.
February 1999
"BEST AUSSIE SPORT'S COMMENTATORS CALL" OR
" WHY BRAZILIAN SOCCER COMMENTATORS DIE OF HEART ATTACKS' AWARD OF THE WEEK
Goes to Alan Hunter again for eloquently and articulately describing how Sydney Olympic defender, Scott Baillee felt after he missed a relatively easy header on goal against Marconi last weekend…
"He'll be SPEWING he didn't get that on target" quipped Big Al, who, it is rumoured, in his spare time, is penning a romantic love story based on Shakespeare's 'Romeo & Juliet', titled… ' In the Back of a Ute with a Slab of VB and a Bird to Boot'.
The Diegos hope the novel does justice to Bi Al's unique command of the English language.
February 1999
TV COMMENTATOR'S CALL OF THE WEEK - PART ONE:
Goes to ABC TV's Alan Hunter, for his description of Sydney United's young striker, Joel Griffiths' evasive skills… "Griffiths sold more dummies than Mother Care". And also for his description of which part of the net Con Boutsiannis' free kick cracker hit when he scored against Sydney United last weekend… "The ball hit the part of the net where spiders live."
What a versatile caller Alan Hunter is - by day a pediatric, pest exterminator, by night a soccer caller.
March 1999