So Sven who's your Daddy?

Let’s pretend for a moment. I’II be Frank Lowy and you (the reader) are a fly on the wall.

The Westfield Shopping Centre boardroom is the venue. I'm sitting at the head of my boardroom table - the site of numerous firing and hirings. In fact the blood of Pim Verbeek, John O'Neil and a multitude of shopping centre execs still still oozes from the oak. Outside in the foyer pacing and furiously swotting (googling Wikipedia for Australia, Aussie slang and Mel Gibson on their iphones) are the prospective applicants for the Socceroo coaching position.

The sweaty palmed shortlist includes Sven Goran ‘Lock up your Daughters’ Eriksson; Phillip ‘The White Witchdoctor on the Dole’ Troussier; Paul Í’ve always wanted to coach Austria’ Le Guen; Frank ‘I’m Dutch you know’ Rikjaard and Marcelo ‘It’s a little known fact but I had great, great grand dad with a little Dutch in him’ Lippi.

Let’s keep pretending that each of these Aussie coaching hopefuls knows how to coach the Diegos way – an exponent of multi-prong formation, a disciple of the free-spirited 4-4-2 or, dare I dream it, 4-3-3, and importantly a despiser of the sieve defence.  

It’s up to me to find the right man to take Aussie football, manifestly in the form of the Socceroos, to the next level – a world cup quarter final or beyond.

I have my list of job interview questions ready. Of course I’ll trot out the standard fare.....What are your hobbies? Have you undergone a police check? What position will my grandson play? Who will always be your daddy? These questions are strategically designed to lull them all into a false sense of security.

Why should I lull them in a false sense of security you might ask? I want them to drop their guard. I want them to bare their soul. I want them to shed any skerrick of pretence for when I ask them the money question ‘what are your thoughts of the Australian A-league and the players playing in it?’ I want to know what they really think.

Why is this important? It’s important because the next Australian coach has got to have faith in our boys and know how to get the best out of them irrespective of whether they play at home or abroad.

He needs to see the good qualities in the players, be excited about working with them and coach to their strengths. He needs to have an absolute faith that irrespective of the level, pedigree and celebrity of the opposition that he can find a way to win and instil confidence in his Aussie boys that on any given day, with the right preparation, coaching and circumstances they can match and beat anyone in the world.

Through his criticism of the Australian A-league and his ridicule of some of his players in the Dutch press during the World Cup it was clear that, when the blow torch was applied, Pim Verbeek had little faith in his Australian players.

I need to know that our new coach believes he can win with the players he has at his disposal. I need to know that he can build a team capable of attacking intent and not fixated on ‘parking the bus’. I need a coach who is not fearful that the team will be embarrassed if given licence to express itself.

The Socceroos gutsy draw against Ghana in the group stage, playing with 10 men for most of the game, showed what we all already know – that Australia, with its back against the wall,  is an enormously spirited group that never says die.

Our win against a very good Serbian team, when there was so much on the line for both teams, showed that we can beat highly credentialed opponents playing our own brand good attacking football. Unfortunately Pim discovered this too late.

Verbeek’s panic selection of no recognised strikers in the starting line up against the Germans in game one sent out the clear message that we could not compete with our Bavarian friends on any level.

Our coach effectively conceded the game before the ball was kicked. He showed his true colours – his thoughts that Australian footballers aren’t good enough. This was an untenable situation that can never happen again.

Terry Venables once famously said that had his Socceroos qualified for the 1998 World Cup in France they could’ve given the big guns a shake and won the competition. Deluded you might say but El Tel was a huge believer in the players and what was possible. The players loved him and played for him. It didn’t matter to him whether they were playing in the old NSL or for clubs overseas. Had it not been for the tragic events that transpired against Iran in 1997 who knows how far Venables’ faith in the players could’ve taken that Socceroos team.

I need a coach who will find a way to win with Australian players. I don’t want to hear about how things are better overseas. I don’t want to hear that we should be realistic about where we are at. The win against Serbia showed that Pim got it wrong. I don’t want limits. I don’t want boundaries. I want a coach who is absolutely convinced that he can win games and score goals with Australian players.

So Sven who’s your Daddy?

Carlos Alberto Diego

An Open Letter to Warren Diego 

Dear Warren,

Hope you are well.

I last saw you at Johannesburg Airport where South African customs were giving you a cavity search. Hope it all went well.

Did you manage to smuggle in the fruit fly infested Zulu artifacts? Nanna Diego is asking for you and wants to know when you are dropping over the Vuvuzela she gave you her last pension cheque to buy. She also asks that you bring some of those KFC chicken nuggets that you introduced her to. They make her regular.

Anyway the reason why I’m writing is that I’m worried for you and the fans of Liverpool FC around the world.

As you know the club announced in a blaze of publicity during the world cup (reported right next to deaths and obituaries in the English tabloids) that its new manager is Roy Hodgson.

Those who have been listening to the Diegos for the last 17 years would know that you have had a torrid love affair with the Liverpool FC all your life. I’m not talking about any old puppy love affection either. I’m talking a dysfunctional, twisted, weird interpretation of the karma sutra type sick love affair.

We know, as do our millions of weekly listeners, that you would ‘turn’ for Steven Gerrard. There is no question that you would leave your wife and kids in a heartbeat if ‘Stevie G’ came calling.

We also know that back in 2004 you acrimoniously divorced the club and shacked up with Bolton Wanderers in a one night stand that made the naked hairy man wrestling scene in Borat seem arousing.

In appointing Roy there’s no doubt that the mob running Anfield these days are trying to get in touch with the ‘Boot Room’ culture that brought the club so much success in the 1970’s and 80’s.

In those days the club was a powerhouse of world football winning First Division titles, FA CUPs (when they weren’t the Kissing Your Sister variety) and European Cups for fun.

The club was awash with legends of the game such as Kenny Dalglish, Ian Rush, Ray Clemence and Kevin Keegan. The values of the club were clear to see and every player to a man knew what it meant to play for Liverpool. They did it for the shirt, excelling in front of the Kop and thriving on the Anfield roar.

Reality check Warren …..Roy Hodgson is not the man to bring Liverpool back to the glory days.

He has made his name transforming underperforming mediocre teams not expected to win things into over performing mediocre teams that are not expected to win things. He has coached the Fulham of international football - Switzerland - to successful mediocrity as he has 16 other teams achieving everything from pub team excellence in mediocrity (at Bristol City) to coaching the Fulham of the Premier League – Fulham to outstanding mediocrity in the EPL last season.

If there was a Champions League trophy for not winning things but performing bravely Roy Hodgson is the man for you. Unfortunately isn’t that what Rafa Benitez, and before him Gerrard Houllier, delivered for the club?

Roy Hodgson is like the favourite uncle who no one wants to disappoint. Average players play for him. Great players won’t. Players who live to win like Fernando Torres and Stevie G don’t need or want an uncle. They want a winner.

Warren we all know that you reside in your own football fantasyland – a land where Liverpool are still a ‘BIG’ club that expects to win trophies every year. A club that all the BIG players around the world die to to play for and that away teams are petrified of, fear and dread.

In the real world though Liverpool are a club that hopes to win not expects to win. In this respect they are a good fit for Uncle Roy.

My message to you Warren is to jump on the next train departing fantasyland – Liverpool will win trophies no more and Nanna wants her KFC nuggets.

Carlos Alberto Diego

Soccer is as Australian as it gets

Four Diegos 'Soccer Hater of the Month' Award goes to those in the media who, whilst entitled to their opinion, the Diegos like to expose for being unashamed, overt haters of the world game.

Winners of this award tend to hold privileged positions in that they have the opportunity to shape the opinion of a radio, TV or print audience of many millions daily. They get paid to fuel biases, be provocative and tap into deep prejudices all in the name of freedom of speech and the right to express an opinion.

Commercial realities dictate that these people need ratings and to peak public debate to stay alive. Their performance and ability to keep their highly paid jobs are measured by AC Neilson media rating figures, talkback calls, emails and sms.

A favourite topic rehashed over and over by Soccer Haters in the media is that the game of soccer is 'unAustralian', 'wogball' if you like, and that it will never gain a foothold in the Australian market.  The fact that according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, Sweeny surveys and AC Neilson ratings for over a decade, soccer/football has already secured a deep and permanent foothold in the Australian market seems to have been missed or ignored by their teams of producers and researchers.

Soccer Haters in the media love the topic because it’s guaranteed to get a massive response without much work or real understanding. Big responses to this topic translate to ratings and yes more money through advertising and maybe a contract upgrade when negotiations with their employers come around.

They have no care that this debate perpetuates cultural stereotypes, feeds xenophobic attitudes and divides the public. In fact they love that it does ....very clever especially when the listener, viewer or reader numbers are down.....or Radio MTR comes along.

Our winner this month is 3AW Melbourne radio show host Neil Mitchell, author of the article JUST A SOCCER RUSE in the Herald Sun in Melbourne on Thursday July 1 2010 (see below). In his article he argues that soccer will never become a premier sport in Australia because it does not reflect the nation's values and the unique Australian culture.

Now I as a Diego don't have Mr. Mitchell's money. I don't have Mr. Mitchell's high rating radio show or social, public or political connections. I don't have his weekly column in Australia's highest selling newspaper and I probably don't have his intelligence.

I have no right to position myself as the man of the people as Mr. Mitchell does....hell I don't even have his hair! But one thing I can match him on is that I am just as much an Australian as what he is and guess what ....I love soccer.

Strange thought that - an Australian loving soccer.

That is an Australian from Italian descent who has been a Western Bulldogs member all his life. An Australian who has worked with other Indigenous Australians and culturally marginalised, new arrival and refugee groups teaching about Australian values across all sports including AFL, Cricket, Rugby, Basketball and Soccer.

An Australian who was shaped forever as a kid watching the brave 1974 Socceroos play in their first World Cup and bursting with pride at the inspirational performances of the current generation of Socceroos in both the 2006 and 2010 World Cups.

An Australian who is proud in the knowledge that hundreds of thousands of Australian families from diverse backgrounds, yes including an enormous number of those from anglo backgrounds, come together and unite weekly throughout the country to support the game of soccer at all levels from grassroots to the A-League.

An Australian who has witnessed the presence of great Australian values of respect, teamwork, loyalty, fair play and leadership displayed through the game of soccer daily in our schools and weekly in the many hundreds of soccer clubs throughout our nation.

Soccer ‘unAustralian’? There’s plenty of evidence that it isn’t. The opposite is true - its as Australian as it gets.

Hey Neil before you go with this as your next talkback topic why not venture out of your studio, the leafy suburb where you live and go and watch some soccer games. You'll find that you will encounter a cross section of the real Australia and you’ll see Australian values are thriving my friend.  

Carlos Alberto Diego