| Lowy says "We Can Build Him"
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Written by Sammy Suarez
Monday, 31 January 2011 07:57 |
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| Lowy says "We can build him"
Diegos Newsflash
by Staff writer
Sammy Suarez
Surfers Paradise
The post mortem of the Socceroos devastating 1-0 loss to Japan in the final of the AFC Asian Cup has started in earnest with full focus being on unearthing a ‘prong’ who can finish off the good work of the team.
“The boys were fantastic and we were the better team but couldn’t take our chances”, said FFA Chairman Frank Lowy to Triple M’s Four Diegos in unconfirmed reports.
“We need to find a potent, prodigious, prolific ‘prong’ and we need to find one now”.
When pressed about the dearth of talented young strikers coming through the system, Frank hinted at a groundbreaking world first, “If we can’t find one we will build one”, he said.
“Professors Les Murray and Craig Foster are messing with some Christiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and John Kosmina DNA at the Lowy Institute as we speak and I am confident that we will have the world’s first test tube ‘prong’ in no time.”
“There will be no parsimonious or profligate ‘prongs’ wearing the Green and Gold in the future. It will be Goals, Goals, Goals!.......ha ha ha ha (insert sinister mad professor laugh)”
On the wandering David Carney, whose ball watching led to Japan’s winning goal deep in extra time, Frank said, “We’ve booked Dave in for a lobotomy at the Lowy Institute on Monday – there’s no place for full backs with a free spirit in the Socceroos team. While Dave’s there we’ll also do something about his hair”.
Diegos Newsflash ends
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| Last Updated ( Monday, 31 January 2011 08:20 ) |
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| Pim cries "It should've been me!"
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Written by Billy Bolivia
Wednesday, 26 January 2011 12:41 |
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| Pim cries ‘It should’ve been me”
Diegos Newsflash
By Diego Staff Writer
Billy Bolivia
Photo: Pim Verbeek and his trio of central defenders at Moroccan national team training
Whilst the Socceroos comprehensive 6 – 0 Asian Cup semi final belting of Uzbekistan sent Aussies around the globe into raptures, there was one former Aussie coach who could only dwell on what might have been.
“It should’ve been me”, cried former Socceroo coach, ‘Prongless’ Pim Verbeek, in unconfirmed Four Diegos Triple M reports.
“They said I was defensive, my team was unattractive, my approach was unAustralian and that I should’ve shaved my head but what they didn’t understand was that there is an intrinsic beauty in ‘parking the bus’, playing without ‘prongs’, winning ugly.....and acting as though you have a fringe.”
“Whether Australians like it or not winning ugly 1-0 is the new 5-0 and doing it with wispy locks and without any recognised strikers is even more meritorious.”
“People are seduced by Osciek’s gay abandon 6-0 stuff and boofed Bavarian do but what fun is there in that. Where is the drama? Crowd riots? Scotty Mac’s goal drought? Elaborate comb over?”
“Osciek is doing Australian football a disservice by playing A-League players like Matt MacKay. Matty playing well only gives others hope that they can do it too – a cocky A-League? A guaranteed disaster for the game in Australia. If I was still in charge I wouldn’t allow it to happen”, he was reputed to have said from his Kibbutz in Morocco.
On his work with the Moroccan FA, he was buoyant, “I’m taking the ‘parking the bus’ formation to another level” he explained “It’s groundbreaking. I’m calling it ‘parking the camel’ – two humps, beast of burden and an ability to withstand long periods without leaking ....I’ve modelled it on Sash Ognenovski”.
Diegos Newsflash Ends |
| Last Updated ( Wednesday, 26 January 2011 12:42 ) |
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| Foz tells Saudis 'Sack coaches properly"
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Written by Julio Puerto Rico
Tuesday, 25 January 2011 15:49 |
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| Foster says “Saudis should get serious about sacking coaches”
Diegos Newsflash
By Diegos Staff Writer
Julio Puerto Rico
SBS Chief Football Analyst Craig Foster has pledged to show Asian Cup flops Saudi Arabia how to sack its coaches if he gets his wish and is recruited to the board of the Saudi FA sometime soon.
Foster, renowned for calling for the head and clogs of former Socceroo coach, Dutchman ‘Prongless’ Pim Verbeek after Australia’s opening game 4-0 thrashing to Germany at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, applauded the Saudis’ effort in sacking two coaches in three games but was disappointed that they didn’t go one further.
“I must admit it was a hell of an effort by the Saudis to sack one coach after the first game and then another after the third game but there were three games,” he said speaking exclusively to the Four Diegos on Triple M, “There was plenty of opportunity to axe a third and do something unlikely to be replicated in world football ever again. In this respect if I’m elected to the SAFA board I swear I’ll go one better and show them how it’s really done.”
Committed to the cause, Foster is currently swapping his Hugo Boss wardrobe with traditional Saudi threads – a Shemagh and Thwab – so he can look the part.
“The call should come any day so I need to be ready” he explained.
Diegos Newsflash Ends
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| 'Its Time to Say Sorry to the Socceroos"
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Written by Carlos Alberto Diego
Monday, 24 January 2011 12:14 |
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| Rudd says 'Its Time to Say Sorry to the Socceroos'
Diegos Newsflash
By Carlos Alberto Diego
In the aftermath of the Socceroos gutsy Asian Cup quarter final extra time win against Iraq, former PM Kevin Rudd is urging all Australians to say Sorry ...again.
“....no not to the Stolen Generation - me and my Indigenous brothers are Deadly (that’s means ‘cool’ for those of you who aren’t groovy like me), nor to Finland for us unleashing Peter Andre and his disco/techno/love ballads upon them, no I’m talking about apologising to the much maligned Socceroos. We need to say Sorry and we need to do it now just in case they have a shocker against the Uzbeks ” he exclusively told Triple M’s Four Diegos over Yum Cha.
Contrite and revelling in Ruddy’s reconciliatory rambles (not to mention the Shark Fin dumplings with chilli oil), the Diegos are taking it upon themselves to put together a Sorry speech to the Socceroos on behalf of a nation. Here goes.....
Sorry Speech to the Socceroos
- For ever believing that you are only a very, very, very, very, very good goalkeeper rather than a great goalkeeper - Mark Schwarzer I truly say Sorry – Love Carlos Alberto Diego, Triple M’s Four Diegos
- For ever letting you rot in the Bristol City reserves – Luke Wilshire I wholeheartedly say Sorry – Love Brian Tinnian, Pub Team manager Bristol City 2005
- For that haircut – David Carney I unreservedly say Sorry - Love your hairdresser
- For thinking that smurfs from the A-League couldn’t play – Matt McKay I sincerely say Sorry – Love Pim Verbeek, former Socceroo coach, now in exile in a Moroccan kibbutz
- For believing that really really hairy man-apes can’t play football – Sash Ognenovski I genuinely say Sorry – Love Pim again
- For giving cashless Sydney Rovers the second Sydney license instead of you – Lucas Neill I really say Sorry – Love Ben Buckley FFA CEO ....hey is that lazy $6 mill still lying around Lucas?
- For thinking that you must’ve had naked photos of all the coaches you ever played for – Brett Holman I earnestly say Sorry – Love the 582 members of the Facebook group 'Brett Holman is a joke', and followers of the other anti-Holman sites such as 'Do not play Brett Holman', 'Get Brett Holman out the Socceroos squad' and 'If Brett Holman goes to South Africa. I'm NOT!'
- For thinking your groins and gout weren’t up to it anymore and you were hogging Ray Martin – Harry Kewell I unconditionally say Sorry – Love Robbie Slater former Socceroo legend and Fox Sports commentator
- For thinking that your international future was best served by playing for Samoa – Tim Cahill I, with all my heart, say Sorry – Love your Grandma
- For thinking that you will never score for the Socceroos and that you are a touch puffy – Scott McDonald .....ah I’d like to hold off on this for another 10 or so internationals if possible – Love 22,342,400 Australians.
On behalf of the country, the Diegos say Sorry to all Socceroos for the pain and suffering caused by fans, media and Rebecca Wilson........ that is as long as you are not crap against Uzbekistan.
Diegos Newsflash ends |
| Last Updated ( Monday, 24 January 2011 12:35 ) |
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