Torres Undergoes Aussie Cough Test

Aussie medico and Head of Sports Science and Medicine at Liverpool FC (and Harry Kewell groin's ex) Peter Brukner went some way to allay the fears of Liverpool fans around the world after he conducted his world reknowned 'cold hands, warm heart' cough test on Fernando Torres post World Cup party. 

"The initial assessment was he had a mild adductor tear and the Spanish medial staff didn't consider it to be too serious at the time. He had an MRI scan yesterday [Tuesday] which confirmed a small tear. He should be able to resume training within two to three weeks and be able to play again within three to four weeks." he told the Diegos.

He went on to say in unconfirmed reports "Not sure what we can do about his attack of the sobs for not starting in the World Cup final however. We've found that a Vicente Del Bosque dart board in the medical room has worked wonders but has stopped him asking over and over 'who the hell is Roy Hodgson?' ".