Open Letter to Scott McDonald

Open Letter to Scott McDonald

by Carlos Alberto Diego

Dear Scott,

Hope you are well and that you’ve resisted the pre-game KFC temptation. I could’ve been anything if it wasn’t for the KFC temptation but I digress.

The real reason I’m writing is because I’m worried for you.

Not because you’re short of a quid or two. Not because you’re short of a kilo or two (thanks to that damned KFC). I’m not even worried that you are short full stop. No I’m worried because your Nullarbor sized goal drought at international level for the Socceroos may be getting to you. 

Yep 18 games without a goal for the Socceroos when you are selected in the team as a clinical goal poaching ‘prong’ is not a flash record. However embarrassing this record may be, up until recently, I have been impressed with the way you have attempted to stay positive. But I noticed in your bemused look after each of your ‘open goal’ fluffs against Poland last time out for Australia, that you might be starting to believe that your first goal may never come.

I suppose Pim endlessly referring to you as ‘Scotty Mac’ during his reign and him being wedded to ‘one prong’ up front formation is hard to put behind you. The psychological scars can linger for a long time….I know - I’m still dealing with Max Vieri getting a game for Australia and not me.

Yes I know that life has not been easy.

NIKE has done nothing to help you hide your love handles with their cutting edge, aerodynamic, ventilated and reverse ducted heated Socceroos shirts and for heaven’s sake you have to play and train under Gordon Strachan at Middlesborough on a daily basis.

For a long time the two little men your head were a cranky Scot who sees no sense in playing international football and a narrow minded Dutchman who sees no sense in playing international football with two prongs. I and the other Diegos really feel for you.

I know it’s been tough but you have to snap out of it mate.

I urge you to find the joy the in football especially when you’re wearing the green and gold. You score goals for fun in club competition so there’s no reason why you can’t do it on the world stage.

Pull out the tapes of your goals for Celtic against AC Milan and Manchester United in Champions League and play them over and over again and you’ll find the joy. Think back to your Cranbourne days when you debuted as a 15 year old and fathers were throwing their daughters (and at times wives) at you in gratitude for your goals and you’ll find the joy. Go clubbing with Wayne Rooney and the Diegos will guarantee that you find the joy.

Scott if you find the joy everything will be alright.

Let the Diegos be the little men in your head and you will be banging in the goals in no time.

Some free advice - always remember the Diegos motto: When you find goals hard to come by ….don’t freeze, inoculate against this goal disease – just score for fun and then tuck into a dozen pork buns.

No need to thank us – just dedicate your next hat trick for the Socceroos to the Diegos bro.

Love to Gordon and the boys at the Boro’.


Carlos Alberto Diego

Copyright Four Diegos Media 1993